Intimacy
by makeithappen
Summary: A Roe/Heffron. Somehow, Heffron realized that there was something intimate about Doc Roe.
1. Chapter 1

Intimacy

Chapter 1-

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything  
Based off of the mini-series no disrespect meant to the real men or actors**

Edward "Babe" Heffron stares at his hand for the tenth time in a row. The blue cloth that's wrapped around it has caught his interest yet again. He had seen the hesitation in Roe's eyes as he had pulled it out and started to put it away. Then he had ripped it, almost delicately as though he couldn't bear to be parted with it but had forced himself to. The look in his eyes had been filled with grief, pain and something that Babe couldn't identify. He had hazarded a guess and thought it reminded him of one of those looks the men got when their girlfriends ended it with them, a loss of love.

He fiddled with the blue cloth and sighed. He shifted again, waiting to see Doc Roe so he can speak to him. There's nothing better to do and the blue cloth was bothering him, because obviously he hadn't wanted to part with it. There was something about the private, reserve half-Cajun doctor that had sprung Babe's interest. Doc Roe had a comforting word for everyone, an open heart and always did his best at being the Doc but Babe was interested in more than that. He knew all about Harry's Kitty and Nixon's hatred of his wife Katharine and of the rest of the men's families and girls back at home. Roe however, was a mystery to him and perhaps all of them.

Eventually Roe did make an appearance as Babe suspected he would. He emerged in his usual smooth gate, his eyes looking around and his tense position betraying his attempt at relaxation. Babe waits a moment before calling out to Doc.

"Doc," his voice wavers slightly which is surprising because Babe prided himself on being able to address anyone, "This cloth…what is it?" his voice is stronger but it doesn't matter when that look comes back in Doc's eyes. The look of pain and grief and the emotion he can't identify. It's an intimate look one that he's seen the others wear but on Doc it's deeper and more meaningful somehow.

"Headscarf," Doc mumbles before returning to walking towards the rest of the company leaving Babe to stare down at the blue cloth.

A headscarf. He wonders where in the world Doc got a headscarf before he recalls the aid station. There were probably nurses there, pretty nurses with warm smiles and charming accents and oh. _Oh_. He blinks in surprise. Doc probably met one of those pretty nurses with the warm smiles and charming accents to match his own. Somehow, he had never imagined Doc as the type to well, not be interest in girls (he didn't _think_ Doc swung the other way) yet it was hard at the same time to picture him being so. Maybe it was just hard to imagine Doc as anyone other than a medic. He wasn't Eugene Roe, half-Cajun man to him, he was just Doc. Maybe he was considered a handsome young man back in Louisiana and maybe his accent had the same effect on people there as it did here, soothing and calm.

Babe stares down at the blue cloth before remembering something else he had heard. The aid station was gone; so was the nurse.

A/N: Well. I decided to make this into an actual chapter story for once. After restarting this for like the tenth time I kinda like it so here it is…it's slightly short though which I hope to remedy on any other chapters.


	2. Chapter 2

Intimacy- Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything lyrics or characters  
Based off of the mini-series no disrespect meant to the real men or actors

_1000 miles away, there's nothing left to say, but so much left that I don't know, we never had a choice, this world is too much noise-Rise Against, Savior_

Eugene Roe hadn't wanted to part with the blue cloth. He had faltered and almost put it back but knew that he shouldn't. He was the one who had hurt Babe's hand and it was his job to fix it. The remorse that had swarmed him when he'd seen it had been overwhelming. It was his job to heal not hurt and somehow he'd manage to do so. But the headscarf, the blue cloth was all he had left of Renee.

He could still see her pale blonde hair illuminated by the sun which was reflecting off the snow. He could recall her voice, soft and gentle and comforting. Her hands, with their grace and abilities were what had first caught his eyes to her. She reminded him of his life back home, amongst the Cajun and their Traiteurs. Somehow speaking in French with her had filled him with a sense of peace. Maybe it was because his mother only spoke French with him. She knew English but preferred to use her native language with her son.

The reasons why he had used the headscarf were so obvious. With the care and ease that Renee had tended her patients, he couldn't' be selfish whilst she'd been so selfless. He had used the last little bit he had of her and her gift to wrap around Heffron's hand. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to keep the headscarf, his only reminder of her; it was that he knew it would be wrong. He had hurt Heffron and he knew that keeping the little blue cloth would have been wrong.

Settling down against a tree, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes briefly. There was no time to rest during war, but if he could catch a moment to just remember her, he might be better off. He could still see her smile when she'd thrown him the chocolate bar. That was another reason he had given it to Heffron. He needed comfort, some sort of soft word and Renee had given Eugene that so he had wanted to spread that, that warmth he had felt.

"Doc," a voice broke through his thoughts and he lifted his head. Heffron stood before him. Gene watched as he took a seat on the ground near him, leaning against another tree. The minute Heffron sat down he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He had waited to hear who was wounded and it was relief to know that no one was, "You got a minute?" Heffron inquired and Gene nodded.

"I was wondering, about this headscarf…" his voice trailed off. Gene watched the uncertainty fill his eyes and he wondered what Heffron wanted to know, "How'd you get it?" Heffron seemed to hesitate himself when asking the question but there was an undying curiosity along with the uncertainty.

Gene briefly debates not answering and knowing it would be rude shifts in his seat. He doesn't truly want to share Renee but he knows that would be wrong as well so he wonders how to share. Finally, he looks up at Heffron.

"A nurse who worked in the aid station and me spoke a few times. She was killed in the destruction of it. That's her headscarf," he realizes that it's probably a bad idea to tell him that the headscarf belongs to a dead nurse but Heffron doesn't' look disgusted or horrified merely thoughtful. Gene closes his eyes again. As much as he would have liked to keep Renee locked up she wasn't like his family. Others knew her, so it was pointless.

Heffron stays silent looking at Roe with a new found compassion. He looked so lost, so…heartbreaking for lack of better term. There was so much grief in his eyes, so much pain and vulnerability and despite all of that strength too. He didn't realize how much anyone could read from Doc Roe's eyes until that moment.

"Was she…close to you?" he manages to ask, despite everything telling him he shouldn't press Gene for information because it may hurt him more, he does it anyway. He's not sure why. Maybe by becoming closer to the medic, maybe by finding this information the intimate looks in Gene could become a part of their tentative relationship. He can't call it a friendship, not yet, not until he truly finds something that resembles friendship. It's a relationship, a bond so far that Gene has with every man there. The fact that he has his life in his hands in one way or another has many of them respectfully distant.

"Yes and no," and Heffron knows that's all the answers he's going to get out of the medic on that particular topic. He watches as the guard comes up again, the wall becomes whole and Heffron knows that he'll have to try another day to break it down, because if he isn't too careful, he has a feeling that he may destroy Doc in the process of understanding him. With those thoughts in his mind, Heffron stands and walks away, leaving the Doc's eyes to stare blindly out at nothingness.

Gene sees Heffron stand and leave out of the corner of his eye and somehow he feels like a piece of him is leaving with the other man. Perhaps it's because he now has more knowledge of Renee without even knowing her name, or maybe it's just his imagination wandering. Whatever the reasons, he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. He can't afford to loose any more pieces.

A/N: I don't know if the lyrics really fit but it was the song I was listening to when I wrote this so I added them in(:, so here it is.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-

_It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten, What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them, As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping, Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten_

_-Savior, Rise Against _

Disclaimer: I don't own anything lyrics or characters  
Based off of the mini-series no disrespect meant to the real men or actors

"Hey Doc, did you hear about Spears' run?" Heffron stood next to Doc Roe who was going through his supplies. He glanced at up at Heffron and gave him a nod. He knew that it was probably rude to walk away without talking but he didn't have the time to speak about Speirs and his reckless if not courageous behavior.

Gene can feel himself pulling away from Heffron, mentally if not physically. Maybe it's the voice in his head reminding him that Medics never got close to those they were supposed to save. Also, usually they were avoided out of respect or fear, Gene wasn't sure. Oh, there were a few friendly ones out in the company that throughout their entire war experience together hadn't shied away (Webster, Nixon, Luz, Powers) but most, they were courteous to him and were never rude but they were distant, as though talking to him, touching him would jinx his ability to save them.

He was also naturally shy, so the mix of people avoiding him and his inability to go after them made him remote from others. It wasn't intentional but he had a feeling the others didn't understand that. Now here was Heffron, still standing there waiting for him to speak and he glanced over. He really didn't have time to talk to him but there was a look in his eyes that Gene had a notion that Heffron wouldn't leave unless he did so. Instead of making polite conversation, he glanced down at Heffron's hand.

"Hand okay?" was all he said, and he saw silent acceptance in Heffron's eyes as though he understood that was all he was going to get out of the doctor on that occasion.

"Yeah," Heffron murmured, "Hands great,"

When he left, Gene felt a bit bad and a bit relieved. He turned back to his work but it was too late. Already his mind was lost, lost in the memories of home, Renee and then there's one of Webster which surprises him. Webster's intelligent, a college student and while the others tease him without mercy about it, Gene respects him because of it. Webster isn't cut out for war, it was obvious from the beginning on D-Day but that doesn't mean he isn't cut out for hard work.

It's easier to think about Webster than home. He didn't know Webster before the war, before this isolation so it doesn't bother him so much. What does bother him is remembering Webster's wound and he knew the others wouldn't forgive him if he came back. But Gene couldn't blame Webster for shying away because secretly he would have done the same. Or maybe not, but he knew there was another part about why Webster didn't' come back that the others wouldn't listen for, look for and that made Gene certain he would have to if only out of respect.

He finishes his work, lost in thoughts of Webster, war and a little bit of the warmth of his home…

Babe didn't like the way that Doc had offered him a half ass excuse of a conversation. He didn't' like the way Doc had moved away and the far away look in his eyes became even more apparent. He shouldn't still be isolated but he'd noticed the way the men had moved away from him and it had started him. Somehow it had been lost on him before but now it was obvious. Oh there were some who didn't, but others they seemed to avoid him and that made him furious. There was no reason, none at all for them to avoid the medic who did his damned hardest to save them, even the ones not wounded.

He wondered how he could get the medic to talk again. He wanted to ask more about Renee, the pretty nurse (he was just guessing she was pretty). He wanted to ask if she meant a lot to him, if that was why Doc was so distant, if by losing Renee he'd lost a part of himself. Somehow though, in the midst of thinking all of this, Heffron remembered something his mother had told him. That if you pulled someone fast and hard away from the edge, it would end up pushing them over. Maybe that was the problem, Doc was balanced on the edge and no one was pulling him back, but neither were they pushing him forward.

Not liking these thoughts, he looked around to see if there was someone to talk to when his eyes landed on Luz. It was late, and no one besides Doc was really doing anything so Heffron headed over. He sat down near where Luz was positioned and the other man looked at him, giving him an amused look.

"Bored, Heffron? Most of the men are over in the church," Luz looked straight at him and Heffron shrugged.

"So I've heard. Why aren't you over there?" he asked, inquiring gently what Luz was doing sitting outside. He figured Luz would be in the middle of the others, talking quietly with someone. He didn't assume that Luz would be making a joke because lately Luz had looked a bit…down.

"Been sitting with Lip who sent me out to take a smoke, he's sick," Luz answered calmly looking out over the distance. Heffron fell silent because he had a feeling that Luz needed not to talk but to just sit.

He didn't assume to know any of these men well, not on a personal level. Well, not on the average personal level because he supposed that they all knew each other personally. He didn't assume to understand their minds or how they worked or why they said the things they said. He liked the idea though, that they were close enough not to need the usual stuff close enough to understand what they needed from each other in a basic level.

That's when he catches sight of Doc, walking slowly towards the Church. He has a feeling he's going to check up on Lipton if he wasn't feeling well. Doc seemed to hear, instantly when people weren't well even without the call for Medic. He could see weariness in his eyes and Heffron felt a twinge of sympathy. Being medic was probably harder on him than being a regular soldier.

"Heffron," Doc's voice is weary as he gives him a polite nod. Babe keeps walking with him, towards the Church without thinking about it. He knows now is probably a bad time, but he had an idea of a question for him, anything to get Doc to keep talking. Maybe if he keeps talking, he'll pull himself away from the edge.

"Was Renee pretty?" he asks and Doc stops in his tracks to look at him, gentle eyes surprised and a hint of pain in them. Babe feels bad, instantly (he seems to be doing that a lot) but he remembers that when people are in pain, its better to get it all out even if it takes time.

"She was beautiful," he murmurs, his eyes seem to lose focus but not in a crazy sort of way, more in the way someone does when they're looking back on a fond memory, or a painful one (as there it was, that damned ache along the affection), "She had healers hands, as well," he seems to add that as an after thought.

"Healer's hands?" Heffron stares at him, puzzled but intrigued all the same. Doc, seemingly snapped out of his former trance, gives him a small nod.

"Healer's hands, they take away the pain of those she nursed," he informed Heffron, gently before continuing his walk leaving Heffron to stand there, reflecting.

She was a nurse with healer's hands and ultimately was beautiful. Babe wasn't sure why but he stored this information with the thought that maybe one day he could talk a bit more with Doc about her and remembering these things would help. He could see her loss had greatly affected the Medic who looked as though he'd give anything to have her back. Or maybe it wasn't to have her back, maybe it was for her not to have died which may have been the same thing but somehow it wasn't. Babe had a feeling that Doc didn't care one way or another if he ever saw Renee again so much as if he cared that she had died during the war.

It might be that because she wasn't on the battle field it made it harder to accept, or harder to understand. He knew that it would be strange to learn of people dying when he returned home, after all of this. That when he heard of someone dying in their sleep and how tragic it was he would not be able to sympathize with the family. He didn't care if that made him a bad person (he wasn't saying he couldn't sympathize with their loss just that it wasn't that tragic). He understood tragedy, he understood death and how awful and horrible and twisted it could become. If he lived through the war and died in his sleep he would be one blessed man. With those thoughts in his head, he followed Doc into the church.

Inside the church there were girls singing and Gene smiled slightly. It was a pretty sight, he supposed, and most of the men seemed to glad to be warm. That was a comforting thought. He walked towards Lipton who was looking pale and drawn, the beginning of an illness. That was the problem with all the cold weather and the lack of good supplies, too many people were falling ill and there weren't enough supplies (or there hadn't been) to help them. He knew that Lipton wouldn't go to the aid station or to the hospital because he had a deep loyalty to these men.

Walking over, he wondered if Lipton remembered his girl's eye color. He wondered if any of them could remember anything about their home lives and had a feeling most of them remembered it all too well. It struck him as ironic because he couldn't remember the exact shade of Renee's eyes…and they had met during the war.

A/N: I'm terrible at the whole time thing but this was supposed to be set during The Breaking Point at around the end. I took some liberties (I think) while writing this and I think some things were changed around but I'm not sure since I wrote this awhile ago. I also couldn't remember whether Lipton was married already or not but I'm pretty sure he might have been. Well…here it is.


End file.
